(The first spin-off story from the Vestigium universe.) Boddar Allimár and Sage Zetes discuss the destiny of the Jovian System, after the shocking end of the Omnibellum…
This was beautifully written! Being the first story, I did have some trouble keeping track of all the different names for the nations and species. But besides that, I thought it was fantastic. Within two paragraphs I was fully invested and desperately want to know what happens to Boddar Allimár and Sage Zetes, as well as the nature of the Kalastri.
Absolutely! I really did enjoy it, even with the information overload. It was a lot, but even with that I think I do like it as a prologue. It made me feel invested, and I love reading something and feeling like there’s a huge universe to discover.
Really enjoyed this. Great set up. Only criticism I have is the treaty goes on for to long. We get pretty quickly it's oppressive, then it becomes reptitive. Have Alimar (terrible of remembering names, even writen down) breaking down before finishing would help with thr flow, and allow you do display just how the oppressive it is throughout the rest of the story, and also builds suspension for the reader to learn more about what it says. But yeah, fantastic.
Thanks, Eliza. I agree with your criticism. My solution - if I decided to use this as a prologue in the end - would have been something similar, with Allimár breaking down, and the reader getting a couple of sentences about the enforced displacement of peoples, etc. Thank you for your praise.
This was beautifully written! Being the first story, I did have some trouble keeping track of all the different names for the nations and species. But besides that, I thought it was fantastic. Within two paragraphs I was fully invested and desperately want to know what happens to Boddar Allimár and Sage Zetes, as well as the nature of the Kalastri.
Absolutely! I really did enjoy it, even with the information overload. It was a lot, but even with that I think I do like it as a prologue. It made me feel invested, and I love reading something and feeling like there’s a huge universe to discover.
Thank you, Jeremy. I'm really grateful you took the time to read it. The information overload was the reason I decided not to use it as a prologue.
Really enjoyed this. Great set up. Only criticism I have is the treaty goes on for to long. We get pretty quickly it's oppressive, then it becomes reptitive. Have Alimar (terrible of remembering names, even writen down) breaking down before finishing would help with thr flow, and allow you do display just how the oppressive it is throughout the rest of the story, and also builds suspension for the reader to learn more about what it says. But yeah, fantastic.
Thanks, Eliza. I agree with your criticism. My solution - if I decided to use this as a prologue in the end - would have been something similar, with Allimár breaking down, and the reader getting a couple of sentences about the enforced displacement of peoples, etc. Thank you for your praise.
I really enjoyed this. Well done!
Thank you, Jason. Very kind of you to read it.